Top 10 Worst Movies of 2017

It’s hard not to argue that 2017 has been one crazy year with all the politics that occurred. It’s also hard not to argue that this year has been a fantastic year for movies. There have been many that went above and beyond my expectations, as well as many disappointments. Today, I would like to start off–like I always do–with the stinkers. There were A LOT of movies in which I would get mad about for day, because I wish I never wasted two hours from my life. Nevertheless, I’m proud that I saw these movies, so you don’t have to. Without further ado, let’s start my list of the top ten worst movies of 2017. (Don’t worry. I didn’t see The Emoji Movie.)

Dishonorable Mentions: Bright, Free Fire, Gifted, Sleepless, Victoria and Abdul

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(Source: CNN)

10. Okja – There are two movies on this list I thought were overrated. Okja, the latest from Snowpiercer director Bong Joon-Ho, is the first. I find the first hour or so to be decent. It contains gorgeous cinematography and tackles the means of the food industry. Not to mention the great use of John Denver’s “Annie’s Song” in one scene. Then, the social satire seems to fall apart. The tone is inconsistent throughout (ranging from childish and innocent to dark and depressing), the cast is a bore (except Tilda Swinton), and has no idea what audience it’s aiming towards. Is it me, or is Jake Gyllenhaal doing his best impression of Jim Carrey’s Environmentalist from In Living Color?

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(Source: IMDb)

9. A Dog’s Purpose – Remember this film back in January and the controversy surrounding this movie concerning dog abuse? While it’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be, it’s still not very good. Lasse Hallström has directed some really good films including What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and The Hundred-Foot Journey. A Dog’s Purpose does have its moments, and Josh Gad is actually not a bad narrator. However, it suffers from a manipulative script, odd point-of-view shots, embarrassing slapstick, and bland characters. This movie is a movie for dog lovers, by dog lovers.

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(Source: IndieWire)

8. The Book of Henry – After directing Jurassic World two years earlier, Colin Trevorrow returns to his small-budget roots with The Book of Henry. The first hour is harmless enough, following a gifted boy (Jaeden Lieberher, who would later star in this year’s great horror film It), who supports his young brother (Jacob Tremblay, Room and Wonder) and hard-working mother. Then, it makes the weird transition of being a straight-up thriller. The pacing is all over the place, the acting is mediocre at best, the characters make poor decisions, and, as a result, The Book of Henry plays out more as a Lifetime Movie of the Year.

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(Source: Entertainment Weekly)

7. Baywatch – In my original review, I found this movie to be a decent R-rated comedy. Months after thinking about it, Baywatch is not a good movie. There are some laughs sprinkled throughout and Dwayne Johnson and the rest of the cast seem to have a good time making the movie. It just has too much toilet humor, horrible CGI, stereotypes, and mystery that doesn’t seem to care. I hope, someday, there would be another good film adaptation to a TV show that makes fun of the TV show.

Film Title: The Mummy

(Source: Variety)

6. The Mummy – Whose idea was it to reboot The Mummy? With it being the first film in the so-called “Dark Universe”, this is the beginning of something horrifying, and not in a good way. I love Tom Cruise in almost every movie he has starred in, but he gets his ass kicked quite a bit in this movie. He cannot escape a ridiculous script with numerous plot holes, annoying characters with no charm, forced attempts at humor, and many unintentionally funny moments. Russell Crowe’s portrayal of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde truly defines “miscast”.

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(Source: Bloody Disgusting)

5. Better Watch Out – This is the second movie I found to be overrated. A Christmas horror/comedy that delivers on neither the laughs nor the thrills. A babysitting night taking a turn for the worst when one of the kids hold the babysitter hostage. Better Watch Out is just as obnoxious and unpleasant as it sounds. Ed Oxenbould and Olivia DeJonge of The Visit star in this stocking full of coal. If you want to watch a good Christmas movie with the right amount of charm, watch Krampus instead.

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(Source: Variety)

4. Tulip Fever – This is what happens when a movie stars two Oscar winners–Alicia Vikander and Christoph Waltz. With an all-star cast, they lose their talents in a soapy, unintentionally silly, predictable, and relatively boring period piece set in 17th-century Amsterdam. Even the sex in this movie makes the sex in Fifty Shades of Grey look arousing. Although it has been delayed since the summer of 2016, it should have stayed on the shelves. I like costume dramas, but Tulip Fever is an absolute disaster on many levels.

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(Source: Variety)

3. Fist Fight – Is it just me, or does it seem raunchy comedies have been getting exceptionally worse? Fist Fight is another prime example of a bad raunchy comedy. The jokes go overboard with stupidity, the characters are annoying, and the titular fight is so downright predictable. Just like everyone else, Charlie Day tries way too to be funny, especially when he yells at a high pitch. And also, why the hell are the teachers teaching class, if it’s the last day of school? This is the longest 90 minutes of my entire life!

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(Source: The Guardian)

2. The Snowman – The movie has every ingredient of a great thriller; ranging from a great cast, great filmmaker, and based on a pretty damn good book by Jo Nesbø. However, with a part of screenplay being cut resulting in a rushed production is what makes The Snowman so bad. From start to finish, this is a boring, befuddled mess of a movie. The characters don’t amount to anything with the mystery. Michael Fassbender’s Harry Hole (supposed to be “hol-eh”, not “hole”) is nothing but a cliched, depressed alcoholic. Val Kilmer gives the weirdest performance of the year whose voice sounds obviously over-dubbed. Fingers crossed hoping there will be a good version of The Snowman someday. Thankfully, this isn’t the worst movie of the year.

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(Source: Now Toronto)

1. The Bye Bye Man – This year has seen some great horror movies–from Jordan Peele’s Get Out to Stephen King’s new adaptation of It. First things first, we got The Bye Bye Man, perhaps the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen. It suffers from cheap scares, annoying-as-hell characters, hilarious deaths, and the mystery of “The Bye Bye Man” raises so many questions concerning the train accident, his CGI dog, and its origins. This movie has been delayed since 2016 as an excuse to re-edit it to a PG-13. Again, it should have remained on the shelf.

I hope you enjoyed reading about the ten movies I hated with a passion. Since I got my frustration out of the way, I can think about the good stuff. Stay tuned until January as I present you my list of the best movies of 2017. Please feel free to leave comments about your picks of the worst movies of the year. I’ll see you all in the new year!

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2017 Summer Movie Review: Baywatch

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Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne Johnson) and his team of lifeguards run in slow-motion in Baywatch. (Source: IMDb)

I have never seen the Baywatch show starring David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson. All I needed to know about it is that a group of lifeguards save the day and run in slow-motion. That’s it.

When I saw the previews for the movie, they made me laugh quite a bit. How can anyone not love Dwayne Johnson? He may be tough, but he also has a soft side and can be really funny. Despite some bizarre casting choices (particularly in some family flicks), he proves that he can be a great action star—from The Scorpion King to the Fast and Furious franchise.

With him teaming up with a younger cast, Baywatch might be a decent comedic escape. The comedy does work at times and the action rarely lets up, the movie somewhat falls flat.

Lt. Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne Johnson) works as a lifeguard on the Florida coast. The movie opens up with him saving a parasailer’s life from hitting his head on a rock. While saving hundreds of lives during his career, Mitch remembers that tryouts are the next day. His new team of lifeguards including Olympic swimmer Matt Brody (Zac Efron), techie Ronnie (Jon Bass), blondie CJ (Kelly Rohrbach), brunette Summer (Alexandra Dedarrio, San Andreas), and Stephanie Holden (Ilfenesh Hadera) goes around Emerald Bay to solve a drug case.

Making fun of the original source material is nothing new. 21 Jump Street, 22 Jump Street, The 1995 film version of The Brady Bunch and the 2002 live-action rendition of Scooby-Doo are prime examples of movies making fun of the shows that are based off of. Some work well, while others fail miserably. Baywatch is no exception.

The movie did give me a good laugh here and there. Particularly when Mitch gives Brody such a hard time and poking fun at the hot women running in slow-motion on the beach (one of the iconic bits on the show). I don’t know how Dwayne Johnson can come up with these insults. He certainly gets a good laugh while being a straight-up badass. His comedic timing is nothing short of perfect. While having to get as buffed as his co-star (so buffed he could be on American Ninja Warrior), Efron has been starring in a lot of raunchy comedies recently—from the decent Neighbors to the abysmal Dirty Grandpa. I prefer him vomiting in the pool in this movie rather than seeing him waking up on a beach wearing nothing but a bumblebee fanny pack.

While the jokes do work, there are times in which they go on for far too long. In one scene, Mitch, Brody and Summer sneak into a hospital morgue in search for evidence about the drugs. Brody is told to look under the corpse’s penis for anything, which, of course, he makes a complete ass out of himself. A lot of raunchy comedies—like Neighbors—often use a lot of dick jokes. If it goes for too long, it loses humor.

Despite its moments, Baywatch is, more or less, your standard R-rated comedy. With strong action, great chemistry between Johnson and his co-stars, what falters is some terrible CGI (still a lot better than Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance) and the jokes being a mixed bag.

2/4

2017 Summer Movie Preview: May

Is it that time already!? You betcha!

After a rough winter in Maine, I can sit back, relax, and start thinking about what has yet to come out over the course of four months. 2017 has been quite a slow year for movies so far. Nevertheless, there have been more surprises released this year than I can imagine—from M. Night Shyamalan returning to top form to Hugh Jackman’s final outing as the Wolverine. Now—with the summer movie season officially here, there are a lot of massive blockbusters and small-budget pieces that I am looking forward to seeing and possibly skipping. Without further ado, let’s jump right into my thoughts on what is coming out in the month of May.

May 5

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Source: IMP Awards

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2Hell yeah! Time to see the guardians head back in action! Not only did I find the first film the best entry in the MCU, it’s also one of my favorite comic book movies. Seeing it three times in theaters, I love it with each viewing. With that being a surprise success among audiences and critics, it’s no surprise that director James Gunn is going to make a trilogy featuring these marvelous (no pun intended) and downright witty characters interact and kick some ass in the galaxy with Peter Quill’s awesome mixtapes. While Awesome Mix Vol. 2 is just as awesome as Awesome Mix Vol. 1, it bums me out that it doesn’t include David Bowie’s “Suffragette City” as Gunn intended. Oh well—maybe we will wait and see if he will put a David Bowie song on Awesome Mix Vol. 3 to pay tribute to his death. With that said, bring it on!

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Source: IMP Awards

The LoversA24 has come a long way since their first produced-film A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III—anyone of you remember that movie? No? Okay. Moving on.

After a long list of marvelous and often overlooked films (not to mention Moonlight being the first—and supposedly not the last—film by A24 to win Best Picture), they have produced some of the most bizarre, the most unique, and the most compelling films in recent memory. I believe The Lovers seems to be a charming romantic dramedy about an old couple considering a divorce until they decide to fall in love all over again.

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Source: IMP Awards

Three GenerationsAfter its premiere at the Toronto Film Festival in 2015, the nationwide release of Three Generations (originally called About Ray) has been kept under wraps until right now. There have been a lot of movies in which cisgender actors play transgender characters (e.g. Academy Award-winner Jared Leto in Dallas Buyers Club and Eddie Redmayne in The Danish Girl). This movie—starring Elle Fanning (who has a long career ahead of her) as a girl making the decision of becoming a transgender boy with the support of her mother (Naomi Watts) and grandmother (Susan Sarandon)—continues that trend, which will probably do so for a long time. But—come on! Transgender actors need to have the chance to play those characters! It seems like Three Generations tackles the subject in such a manipulative fashion. Very much so that it might end up being a massive flop.

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Source: IMP Awards

The DinnerRichard Gere has been a familiar face in Hollywood for a long time. After getting praise for his performance in NormanThe Moderate Rise and Tragic Fall of a New York Fixer, he stars in another movie, directed by Oren Moverman (2009’s Oscar-nominated The Messenger), about a politician inviting people to a fancy restaurant where their polite conversation turns into something intense when they talk about two boys committing a crime. In my opinion, this looks rather standard. Even though I like movies that are mostly told through conversation.

May 12

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Source: IMP Awards

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword – It must be every little boy’s dream to become King Arthur. Charlie Hunnam seems to be the perfect actor to play him in this reimagining of the classic tale. From Sons of Anarchy to Pacific Rim to Crimson Peak to The Lost City of Z, he has a pretty damn impressive resume. Working alongside Jude Law, Eric Bana, and director Guy Ritchie (Sherlock Holmes, the underrated The Man from U.N.C.L.E.), this might be a pretty decent time in the theater.

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Source: IMP Awards

Snatched – Goldie Hawn is back after fifteen years to star as a mother going on vacation with her daughter (the raunchy Amy Schumer) after her boyfriend dumps her, which leads them getting kidnapped. Snatched almost sounds like your standard sitcom. With a talented filmmaker like Jonathan Levine (50/50, Warm Bodies) behind the camera and a decent screenwriter like Katie Dippold, however, it might be okay for a few good laughs. It might be the perfect Mother’s Day gift.

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Source: IMP Awards

Lowriders – I have a feeling this is a cross between 8 Mile and The Fast and the Furious. And not in a good way. It goes into the clichéd territory of an outsider being the best at his craft with the support of his friends and family. I’m skipping this one.

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Source: IMP Awards

The Wall – No—this movie is not about Donald Trump and his plans of building the wall on the Mexican border. This is a cat-and-mouse type of movie where two soldiers are trapped by an Iraqi sniper. Fresh from directing Edge of Tomorrow (also known as Live. Die. Repeat.), Doug Liman creates something with a much lower budget than his blockbusters. Known for playing Kick-Ass and Quicksilver, I find Aaron Taylor-Johnson to be a bland actor. But—it seems he might step his A-game here starring alongside John Cena. This looks like edge-of-your-seat fun.

May 19

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Source: IMP Awards

Alien: Covenant – Back in 2012, it was great to hear Ridley Scott has returned to the universe that made him such an all-star with Prometheus. After getting polarizing reception, Scott has made one gigantic flop (Exodus: Gods and Kings) and one gigantic success (The Martian) before returning for Alien: Covenant with an all-star cast, ranging from dramatic actors (Michael Fassbender, Billy Crudup) to comedic actors (Danny McBride, James Franco). Alien is one of the best sci-fi films of all time, with the sequel Aliens (directed by James Cameron) being a slight improvement. This looks straight-up terrifying!

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Source: IMP Awards

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul – Great…another one of these movies. And not starring the same cast from the three previous films; given they are getting a little old (which is understandable). I have never seen a trailer so bad in a long time. Moving on.

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Source: IMP Awards

Everything, Everything – *sigh* Another sappy love story? I’m good, thanks.

May 26

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Source: IMP Awards

Baywatch (opens Thursday)Okay, this is somewhat more like it. The reboot of the popular television show looks pretty hysterical. Dwayne Johnson proves he has the right amount of comedic timing while being a straight-up badass. He seems to have great chemistry between his co-stars Zac Efron (who is just as ripped as Dwayne Johnson), Alexandria Deddario (San Andreas), Kelly Rohrbach, among others. That’s what matters most in comedies is the chemistry between the actors and having good timing with the jokes. I’m there for something funny, sexy, and full of testosterone.

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Source: IMP Awards

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales – Another one of these movies? I have only seen the first film, which I loved, and On Stranger Tides, which I find underwhelming and forgettable. Johnny Depp returns in his pirate outfit and mannerisms as Captain Jack Sparrow seeking the Trident of Poseidon while encountering some new and familiar faces including Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), and Elizabeth Swan (Keira Knightley). I have a feeling this might go into the path of being as forgettable as the last film. I just don’t give a damn about a new Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

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Brad Pitt in War Machine. (Source: Business Insider)

War Machine – I can’t do a summer movie preview without talking about some movies that are going to be on Netflix. Brad Pitt is more than just having good looks. He also knows what he can do to be a great actor, from Ocean’s Eleven to Moneyball. Here, he seems to be bringing back his mannerisms of Aldo Raine from Inglourious Basterds and Wardaddy in Fury in this political war satire leading an amazing cast including Tilda Swinton, Topher Grace, Anthony Michael Hall, and Ben Kingsley. This is one film on Netflix I will definitely watch, no matter how good or bad it might be.

Recap:

Most Anticipated: Alien: Covenant, Baywatch, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, The Lovers, The Wall

Least Anticipated: Everything, Everything, Lowriders, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, Three Generations

I hope you enjoyed reading on what my thoughts are on several movies for the month of May. Tell me in the comments below on what your most anticipated movies are for the month of May. Stay tuned for a movie preview for the month of June on Memorial Day. Take care.