20. Sorry to Bother You (2018) – There is a lot to describe Boots Riley’s directorial debut, but “movie” is certainly not one of them. Sorry to Bother You is a propaganda piece, dystopian film, video game, and horror film all wrapped into one. The satire of consumerism falls flat, the humor is nonexistent, and the dialogue is dreadful to listen to. LaKeith Stanfield, Tessa Thompson, Armie Hammer, Danny Glover, Terry Crews among others deserve so much better than this. To quote Roger Ebert, “To call the characters cardboard is to insult a useful packing material.”
Also, good luck having a good night’s sleep. There is no turning back on this movie.
19. The Snowman (2017) – Jo Nesbø’s novel is a rock-solid mystery novel with shocking imagery and twists. A film adaptation had so much potential. Unfortunately, a rushed production and part of a screenplay went missing is only a few of the many problems with The Snowman. Michael Fassbender’s portrayal of Harry Hole (supposed to be pronounced “hol-uh”, not “hole”) is a cliched depressed alcoholic detective going after a killer in Norway. Things gets incredibly silly and convoluted as hell. There is no character development, no wit, and has massive plot holes. What the hell is Val Kilmer doing here?
18. Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) – Michael Bay’s Transformers movies have gotten so dumb and repetitive after his decent 2007 film, it surprises me how he decided to keep going with the franchise since there is almost NOWHERE to go. Mark Wahlberg steps into take Shia LaBeouf’s place as the lead protagonist, and he has never been worse. The action has certainly gotten a lot more boring in each installment. The characters are either a stereotype or have little to no personality. How can Chicago be rebuilt so quickly after the Autobots and Decepticons caused mass destruction in the previous film?
17. Kick-Ass 2 (2013) – I’m one of the only people who didn’t like the first Kick-Ass. I liked it fine as a teenager, but after rewatching it in my 20s, it didn’t make me laugh much and the characters are unlikable. I’m sorry, I think the title character is a whiny tool with a big masturbation problem. There are a few good action sequences and Nic Cage and Chloe Grace Moretz do a great job. In Kick-Ass 2, Matthew Vaughn doesn’t return as director and the satire lacks. The action is shaky and pretentious, the characters are not likable and/or they get killed off early, and ever shot is unpleasant to look at or even hear. Hit-Girl’s high school subplot might have been Moretz’s only audition for the 2013 remake of Carrie.
16. Apollo 18 (2011) – Found-footage films have made a comeback with the successful releases of Cloverfield and Paranormal Activity. Some have become big surprises (Chronicle, The Visit) while others have become gimmicks and excuses to be made for the money. Apollo 18 is one of those that came out of nowhere, causing it to be pushed back and forth until finally coming out to bore audiences everywhere. The found-footage style of filmmaking make this thriller look incredibly fake, and lacking any tension. This will put everyone to sleep.
15. Dirty Grandpa (2016) – Robert De Niro used to be on top of the world with his dramatic and comedic performances. Recently, he has starred in one terrible movie after another. In Dirty Grandpa, he delivers the raunchiest performance of his career. And I don’t mean it in a good way.
His formal introduction involves his grandson (Zac Efron) walking in on him sitting in his recliner masturbating through a porno. Don’t worry, the film gets worse from here when they take a road trip to Fort Lauderdale. Every line coming out of De Niro’s mouth is cringe-inducing. I have never been so close to walking out halfway through a bad film. Of course, I had to make sacrifices, so I stayed to sit through this messy raunch-fest. I think it’s time for Efron to move from starring in crude comedies like this.
14. Truth or Dare (2018) – Jason Blum has produced such great movies as Whiplash, BlacKkKlansman, Get Out, the Happy Death Day films and Split. There has never been a horror movie that is not only hilariously stupid, but also incredibly boring. Four people wrote the screenplay for this disaster, which follows a group of college students playing a simple-turned-sinister game of “truth-or-dare” in Mexico on their spring break. None of the characters have any chemistry, the deaths are lazy, and the mystery behind the curse is hardly explored enough for the audience to care.
13. Fant4stic (2015) – If Batman vs. Superman made me feel upset once the credits began to crawl, Fant4stic left me with a fits of rage. With so many continuity mistakes, a great cast giving wooden performances, terrible effects, no humor, and an even worse climax, this makes the 2005 version of Fantastic Four look like The Godfather. This is hardly Josh Trank’s fault. It’s just another excuse for the film studio to make how they want it for the general public. It would be interesting to see a documentary on what actually happened during the making of this movie.
12. The Happytime Murders (2018) – Geez! Jim Henson must be rolling in his grave. I mean–who thought an adult Muppet movie was a good idea? Just like Sausage Party, this was probably made as an excuse for raunchy, juvenile humor intended only for adults. Melissa McCarthy’s shtick is almost equivalent to those of Adam Sandler. Although the puppetry isn’t bad at all, the jokes fall flat and the mystery doesn’t amount to anything.
11. Battle: Los Angeles (2011) – I don’t understand why I enjoyed this when it first came out. Maybe because I was an action-hungry teenager looking for a good time. After thinking about it, this is nowhere near good. It’s devoid of any originality, substance, humor, thrills, or imagination. Every character is a cardboard cutout. I can’t recall a single steady shot in the movie, which is enough to make anyone feel sick to their stomach. This battle is ugly, dreadful, and lifeless.