It’s hard not to argue that 2017 has been one crazy year with all the politics that occurred. It’s also hard not to argue that this year has been a fantastic year for movies. There have been many that went above and beyond my expectations, as well as many disappointments. Today, I would like to start off–like I always do–with the stinkers. There were A LOT of movies in which I would get mad about for day, because I wish I never wasted two hours from my life. Nevertheless, I’m proud that I saw these movies, so you don’t have to. Without further ado, let’s start my list of the top ten worst movies of 2017. (Don’t worry. I didn’t see The Emoji Movie.)
Dishonorable Mentions: Bright, Free Fire, Gifted, Sleepless, Victoria and Abdul
10. Okja – There are two movies on this list I thought were overrated. Okja, the latest from Snowpiercer director Bong Joon-Ho, is the first. I find the first hour or so to be decent. It contains gorgeous cinematography and tackles the means of the food industry. Not to mention the great use of John Denver’s “Annie’s Song” in one scene. Then, the social satire seems to fall apart. The tone is inconsistent throughout (ranging from childish and innocent to dark and depressing), the cast is a bore (except Tilda Swinton), and has no idea what audience it’s aiming towards. Is it me, or is Jake Gyllenhaal doing his best impression of Jim Carrey’s Environmentalist from In Living Color?
9. A Dog’s Purpose – Remember this film back in January and the controversy surrounding this movie concerning dog abuse? While it’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be, it’s still not very good. Lasse Hallström has directed some really good films including What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and The Hundred-Foot Journey. A Dog’s Purpose does have its moments, and Josh Gad is actually not a bad narrator. However, it suffers from a manipulative script, odd point-of-view shots, embarrassing slapstick, and bland characters. This movie is a movie for dog lovers, by dog lovers.
8. The Book of Henry – After directing Jurassic World two years earlier, Colin Trevorrow returns to his small-budget roots with The Book of Henry. The first hour is harmless enough, following a gifted boy (Jaeden Lieberher, who would later star in this year’s great horror film It), who supports his young brother (Jacob Tremblay, Room and Wonder) and hard-working mother. Then, it makes the weird transition of being a straight-up thriller. The pacing is all over the place, the acting is mediocre at best, the characters make poor decisions, and, as a result, The Book of Henry plays out more as a Lifetime Movie of the Year.
7. Baywatch – In my original review, I found this movie to be a decent R-rated comedy. Months after thinking about it, Baywatch is not a good movie. There are some laughs sprinkled throughout and Dwayne Johnson and the rest of the cast seem to have a good time making the movie. It just has too much toilet humor, horrible CGI, stereotypes, and mystery that doesn’t seem to care. I hope, someday, there would be another good film adaptation to a TV show that makes fun of the TV show.
6. The Mummy – Whose idea was it to reboot The Mummy? With it being the first film in the so-called “Dark Universe”, this is the beginning of something horrifying, and not in a good way. I love Tom Cruise in almost every movie he has starred in, but he gets his ass kicked quite a bit in this movie. He cannot escape a ridiculous script with numerous plot holes, annoying characters with no charm, forced attempts at humor, and many unintentionally funny moments. Russell Crowe’s portrayal of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde truly defines “miscast”.
5. Better Watch Out – This is the second movie I found to be overrated. A Christmas horror/comedy that delivers on neither the laughs nor the thrills. A babysitting night taking a turn for the worst when one of the kids hold the babysitter hostage. Better Watch Out is just as obnoxious and unpleasant as it sounds. Ed Oxenbould and Olivia DeJonge of The Visit star in this stocking full of coal. If you want to watch a good Christmas movie with the right amount of charm, watch Krampus instead.
4. Tulip Fever – This is what happens when a movie stars two Oscar winners–Alicia Vikander and Christoph Waltz. With an all-star cast, they lose their talents in a soapy, unintentionally silly, predictable, and relatively boring period piece set in 17th-century Amsterdam. Even the sex in this movie makes the sex in Fifty Shades of Grey look arousing. Although it has been delayed since the summer of 2016, it should have stayed on the shelves. I like costume dramas, but Tulip Fever is an absolute disaster on many levels.
3. Fist Fight – Is it just me, or does it seem raunchy comedies have been getting exceptionally worse? Fist Fight is another prime example of a bad raunchy comedy. The jokes go overboard with stupidity, the characters are annoying, and the titular fight is so downright predictable. Just like everyone else, Charlie Day tries way too to be funny, especially when he yells at a high pitch. And also, why the hell are the teachers teaching class, if it’s the last day of school? This is the longest 90 minutes of my entire life!
2. The Snowman – The movie has every ingredient of a great thriller; ranging from a great cast, great filmmaker, and based on a pretty damn good book by Jo Nesbø. However, with a part of screenplay being cut resulting in a rushed production is what makes The Snowman so bad. From start to finish, this is a boring, befuddled mess of a movie. The characters don’t amount to anything with the mystery. Michael Fassbender’s Harry Hole (supposed to be “hol-eh”, not “hole”) is nothing but a cliched, depressed alcoholic. Val Kilmer gives the weirdest performance of the year whose voice sounds obviously over-dubbed. Fingers crossed hoping there will be a good version of The Snowman someday. Thankfully, this isn’t the worst movie of the year.
1. The Bye Bye Man – This year has seen some great horror movies–from Jordan Peele’s Get Out to Stephen King’s new adaptation of It. First things first, we got The Bye Bye Man, perhaps the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen. It suffers from cheap scares, annoying-as-hell characters, hilarious deaths, and the mystery of “The Bye Bye Man” raises so many questions concerning the train accident, his CGI dog, and its origins. This movie has been delayed since 2016 as an excuse to re-edit it to a PG-13. Again, it should have remained on the shelf.
I hope you enjoyed reading about the ten movies I hated with a passion. Since I got my frustration out of the way, I can think about the good stuff. Stay tuned until January as I present you my list of the best movies of 2017. Please feel free to leave comments about your picks of the worst movies of the year. I’ll see you all in the new year!